Have you been feeling depressed and lonely? Have no fear; the void in your life will soon be filled by the newest installment of the Twilight Saga. Breaking Dawn plunges into new depths of shit excellent filmmaking. Great strides have been made since the first film, Twilight, came out oh so many years ago. The film takes on a slightly darker more sexual tone, intended for mature audiences who will understand the complex plot twists and intricate characters. Robert Pattinson returns as Edward Cullen, a pale, emaciated pedophile (he’s actually 110 but has the body of a 17 year old…), and Kristen Stewart as stereotypical desperate teen.

Stephanie Meyer sets an excellent example for her young audience. In her previous books advocating gang violence she now addresses more prevalent issues such as unprotected sex and vegetarianism. Meyer does how ever foreshadow a romance between Bella’s baby and Jacob Black, a fierce werewolf also played by Kristen Stewart, remaining consistent with her theme of pedophilia. To many fans dismay Jacob and Edward finally seem to be on the same side, as they gingerly touch their tips of friendship to form an unspoken bond.

Please, go watch Coppola’s Dracula instead.

Images credited to: http://urlybits.com/2010/03/herp-derp/ and http://imod.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/twilight-joke.jpg

By Isabella Romano